Urban Legends

The Legend

Found on the Internet in June 2000

This poem was written by a young girl in New York Hospital who is dying of cancer and AIDS that she got when the Catholic school bus she was in, full of gifted children on their way to a free concert for orphan shut-ins, was hit by a drunk driver and swerved through the window of a soup kitchen specializing in free meals to homeless indigent unwed single mothers and their babies. The poem was sent out by her doctor, presumably between rounds of PartyBets (though if you feel like doing the same, it's at http://www.partybets.com/) or emailing forwarded chain emails. Be sure to read all of it, including the message AFTER THE POEM.

Slow Dance

Have you ever teased your great aunt 'cause she's fat,
And made that face that someday will freeze like that?

Ever done something pleasant that no one should mind,
Even though you were warned it could make you go blind?

You better slow down, don't just fly by,
If you run with scissors you could lose an eye.

Do you speed through your days from beginnings to ends,
Would you jump off a bridge just to follow your friends?

As you skateboard through town do you let yourself see?
And if you break your leg don't come running to me.

You better slow down, don't miss the boat,
'cause you'll catch your death if you don't wear a coat.

Never lose touch, so your friends know you care,
And make sure that you have on clean underwear

Ever tried to catch leaves that are blown by the wind?
Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been

It's all good advice, hear what your mom said,
Or else you'll end up blind, half naked, and dead.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO HELP THIS LITTLE GIRL.

ALL FORWARDED E-MAILS ARE TRACKED BY THE GOVERNMENT TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL COUNT.

Dear All:

PLEASE send this poem and the rest of the e-mail to everybody, even if you have to write a virus to send it out by turning other people's computers into spam-spewing robots. It is the request of this special little girl who will soon leave this world and/or the hospital.

This little girl has six months, two day, and 45 minutes left to live from the time this e-mail was sent, and her dying wish is that this letter gets to everyone so that they will never, ever make some of the mistakes that she has made in her short life. By you sending this to as many people as possible you can give her a little hope because for every person this e-mail is sent to the Great American Poetry Preservation Society will donate three cents toward publishing a book with this great poem in it that will be bound in real imitation leather with gold-like embossed letters and sent to the Library of Congress.

One guy sent this e-mail to 500 people! Another guy didn't send it to anyone and a piano fell on his head. Can't you think of someone who deserves to get this e-mail?

Remember, you could be this six-year-old little orphan girl one day!

PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST [sic]

Dr. Dennis Shields, Poetry Professor
Department of Development of Viral Sap
New York Hospital
New York, New York 10404

P.S. Before sending out this e-mail, be sure to update how much time the little girl has to live.

P.P.S. If she gets her wish and everyone sends this e-mail to everyone else, then she'd like a pony next.

Variant

Have you heard that there's a sick little girl with cancer who wants to write a poem so that everyone in the world will know how wonderful life is? It's true! She wrote the first part of a poem and would like you to add your ending and send it along to all of your friends for them to add their endings. Then we will have a wonderful poem written by people from all over the world, demonstrating that even in these trying times we can all get together and do something wonderful. Be sure to put your name on your ending!

Here's the part of the poem written by the little girl:

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There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who carried his balls in a bucket,
A woman named Fran,
…

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That's it! Now put your endings here:

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[list of more than 100 endings deleted]

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Thank you so much for helping this little girl's dream come to life!

Sincerely,
George W. Bush
The White House
Washington, D.C.