Butter vs. Margarine
Submitted in April 2005
What's the difference between butter and margarine? The difference between life and death!
Let's look at a few facts:
Butter and margarine have the same number of calories, but it's margarine that's used to grease the electrode contact points for people going to the electric chair.
Butter makes toast taste good. Margarine increases the incidence of heart disease in blonde white women over the age of 50 by 53%.
Butter has been in existence for hundreds of years, but margarine was skulking around in the shadows until it slithered onto store shelves less than a century ago.
Butter has a delightful golden color, but Margarine cakes arteries with cholesterol, octuples the risk of cancer, curdles breast milk, cripples the immune system, causes diabetes, and sucks the breath out of sleeping babies.
Butter can be kept in its own cute little area in most modern refrigerators, while margarine can be kept out in the open on a kitchen counter for weeks without so much as attracting a fly -- it's so artificial, that it has a longer shelf life than a laminated Twinkie!
And if that isn't enough, consider this: margarine is just ONE molecule different than PLASTIC! Eat margarine and you're practically eating melted Legos.
Not enough for you? Than consider this: margarine is just TWO molecules away from substances commonly found in RATS! That's right, you've been eating dead, pureed, spreadable rats!
Behind the Legend
As a petroleum product (related to Vaseline), margarine is not nearly as natural as butter. However, it is also not nearly as distasteful as this particular legend would have us believe.
Indeed, according to some experts the largest danger from eating margarine comes when one tries to pass it off as butter, thereby fooling Mother Nature, which just isn't nice.